Commission Information

Wednesday, July 27, 2011



Got some time put towards Sekkite's commission.

Monday, July 25, 2011



Little side-picture, maybe new character; I don't have any blue characters, just a plethora of red ones. Oy.





Finished!

Thursday, July 21, 2011



Should finish with Luring's commission tomorrow; here is Sekkite's commission color rough :D

Tuesday, July 19, 2011




IMPOSSIBLE TO WORK IN THE HEAT GOOD GOD

Monday, July 18, 2011




Worked on this for a while today, de-funked some faces, happier with where it's going. It'll be 105 tomorrow with 80% humidity. SO I'LL BE INSIDE WORKING NO DOUBT. Luring's commission :D

Friday, July 15, 2011

Work done on Luring's picture:




An updated on the Cempe Picture:

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

About...other stuff.

Not going to be any pictures in this blog post. I rarely use this thing for actual...blogging, besides daily updates on projects and what have you. So if you're looking for the art stuff, it's everywhere but this post.Art stuff will continue. Have a blob of personality/internal dialogue until then.

I just kinda need a place to vent. I don't know if this really counts as venting; i'm not angry. I'm just a whole lot of confused and a little sickened, i guess. I want to get it off my chest, but I don't wanna talk about it. i don't want pity. I don't want people to say how sad they are to hear about this, I just wanna...speak. I want to express. That's it, I guess.

I'll get to the point, then ramble on about it afterwards.

My grandmother is dying. I don't feel sad. That's the synopsis. I'm not mad at her, we've had our clashes in the past, we're not BFF's or anything, but I just don't feel...anything. And maybe since this is only my second grandparent dying that I don't know how to feel; my grandfather passed in 1996 when I was 9. We were close, he used to help me with my grades (by paying me 5 bucks for every A I got, sweet deal, eh?) and he died almost instantly. That way there was a lot of shock, a lot of disbelief. It just...happened. But this time, it's not instant. It is a very...very drawn out and painful thing. My grandmother smoked for 40 years. She got COPD, Cardio...o...I dunno what it means, but it's emphysema. She's been on oxygen for near 10 years i'd bet, but she was on it for a while due to her own accords. (aka, the doctor told her she didn't need and and she got it anyways) and we were pretty sure it was unnecessary.

I visited her yesterday. Drugged out of her mind, nearly in a medical coma. All she'd do is shuffle her legs around, try and pull out her fecal tube with her feet, and just look... I dunno, horrible. you'd go to hold her hand, and she'd pull away from you. I was there for an hour and a half, and she was conscious for all of 1 second of that. Even that's debatable. She can't hold her own eyes open. She's told us that if she flatlines, she does not want to be kept alive. She just lays there dying. They take her off the ventilator every day to see if she can pull out of it, and she starts spasming and pounding her fists like she's drowning. I didn't see it myself, but my aunt and my dad, which have been at the hospital nearly constantly, fill me in on all the gruesome details because they're freaked out. I don't blame them.

But standing there, watching her kinda struggle...I wasn't sad. I can't help but keep that notion that she did this to herself. That she smoked for all those years, that she is the sole person in charge of those consequences. But it's not just that; She's had a hard life. Her father/ my great grandfather, apparently tried to kill her and my great uncle in a psychotic rage. That she herself was in a mental facility for 3 months after thinking my dad and aunt were the devil, and set fire to pillows. But that's not what gets me.

She's the ultra religious one in the family. It was creepy the way my dad put it> "She has told everyone that she knows she's going to heaven, that she's excited to see her brother and mother. But she's completely terrified about what happens afterwards. The fear's getting to her." She's terrified to die. As a person who is also fucking terrified to die, and what comes afterwards, i mean, shit, she's the one that's supposed to have accepted and be excited for her end. But she's not. And when the people who so fullheartedly believe in an afterlife, to have such huge doubts..i mean...shit. And that's what gets me to cry and feel something. That notion. And I feel absolutely horrible for being able to connect on that tangent alone. Not that she's my grandmother. Not that she's the other "arty" person in the family...sorta...(she uses stencils for things, i don't count it but she does) Not that she gave me a huge gift for my graduation; the only thing I connect with her is seeing her as a sort of stunted, sad life, and that's how her story wraps up. She never HAD that great moment and great part of her life. She's gonna come into this world pointlessly and leave just as pointlessly. THAT terrifies me. and its' horrible. I know full well how horrible that is to feel that way about your own grandmother.

I'm empty on the inside. I hear the news that they're gonna pull her trach tube this weekend, and I felt nothing. I felt bad for my dad, but nothing. I do, at least, feel anger that my mom is kinda being a douche about this whole thing. The first time she was in the hospital a month or two ago, she was completely understanding. This time, one of the last things she said yesterday was "I bed you she's gonna kick it when you're moving out" (among talking shit like "yeah, well, maybe don't eat cigarettes for a living" or "she's getting what she deserves" ) Wow. way to be a jerk, mom. I don't care what BS argument you had, that you don't like each other. Have some fucking respect for the dead. Or the nearly dead. Wanna know the punchline? You win. She dies. Do you feel better yet? Is your life complete?

I just feel...there. That's accurate. I'll probably start feeling something at the funeral, but honestly, it'll be the end to a long struggle. It'll be hopeful motivation for my next roomies to quit smoking. It'll be the end to a very long, dwindling life. I guess it doesn't get more black and white then that.


Working on fixing up an image from over a year ago

Monday, July 11, 2011


de-stress painting of Cempe :D

Sunday, July 10, 2011


HA, just in time! All done!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Wednesday, July 6, 2011



Next digital picture up!



Last digital badge started from AC.

Sunday, July 3, 2011